After the passing of a loved one, there are many practices a family might follow during and after a funeral service in Singapore. Families need time to process their grief and proper understanding or even help and company is appreciated during this time. One of the ways families express grief is to observe certain post funeral practices. Some of these practices are also part of common Chinese superstitions and are generally good to know. As friends or relatives of the bereaved, we can be mindful of their grief and avoid giving the bereaved undue stress.
Common Things to Look Out For After A Funeral
1. Bereaved Families Have a Set Mourning Time
Most families will go through a time of grief and mourn after a lovved one passes away. This is especially so for certain religions or traditions. These traditions commonly lasts till the 49th or 100th day. Families who practise Taoism or Buddhism can follow certain rituals for up to 1 year. Knowing what the bereaved family can or cannot do during this time will allow us to be more sensitive to their needs and reach out in an appropriate way
Bereaved families generally avoid doing this:
- Don’t go to celebratory parties such as birthdays or weddings.
- Going to the houses of friends and/or relatives
This is regarded as a time of mourning and grief for the recently deceased family member, and the bereaved will avoid going to celebrations or gatherings. We can support by maintaining communications with the bereaved or taking the initiative to accompany them physically at their home.
2. Avoiding Bright Clothings and Accessories
In many cultures, white is traditionally worn to express mourning and sadness. Bright colours, such as red, symbolize joy and celebration, so the observance of wearing plain and dark coloured clothing continues after the funeral is over. This is due to the mourning period that some families observe after a funeral.
What families do:
- Wear white or dark clothes for a while.
- Avoid wearing fanciful accessories during this time.
Funeral parlours and funeral homes often guide families on what to wear during and after the ceremony.
3. Offer Help to Bereaved After the Funeral
People often think the most challenging part ends after the funeral, but family members would still need the support of their friends after a funeral. This is particularly so if the death was sudden, or if they share a close bond with the deceased. Offering kindness after the funeral is as important as attending the service.
Things to look out for:
- Don’t stop offering help and company after the funeral ends.
- Keep checking on the family or friend, even after some time has passed.
Simple acts like calling, accompanying them, or even dropping a text can help the family feel less alone.
4. Memorial Offerings
Many traditions, like Taoist and Buddhist families, continue to honour their loved ones after the funeral. They make offerings like food or incense to show respect. There are also specific days where additional prayers will take place with the attendance of the family.
What is usually done:
- Offerings are prepared, typically a meal for the deceased as well as fruits
- A chanting prayer or service is conducted at the final place of rest that the family has designated.
In addition, you can reach out to funeral directors to explain the customs and help you understand how they are generally followed.
5. Being Mindful of Topics During Conversation
After a funeral, some family members of the deceased might be more sensitive to certain topics and ideas brought up during conversation. We should always be mindful when broaching topics like death and dying, or sickness and disease during conversations with bereaved family members. This however is not a hard and fast rule. People process grief and losss in different ways, and some would prefer talking about it to help themselves process their emotions.
What we can do to support:
- While jokes and happy conversations help keep the mood up, we should always try to steer conversations clear of sensitive topics
- If the bereaved person opens the topic however, we should listen with full attention and not avoid the conversation.
Therefore, it’s good to stay mindful during these gatherings so the family feels supported.
6. Avoid Traditional Celebrations(or all Celebrations)
Returning to celebrations or social events too quickly after a funeral can seem like the family does not care for the deceased. Many bereaved people avoid certain practices for a period of time, and skip some occasions entirely.
What families do:
- The coming Chinese New Year is usually skipped – no house visitations and no distribution of ang bao. This might extend to other Chinese festivals
- Avoid birthdays and weddings, some family members also reschedule their own wedding to a later date to avoid running into any superstitious taboos
Taking a break from social events shows you care and respect the family’s loss.
7. Following up with Important(Bureaucratic) Tasks
Grief can make it hard to focus on paperwork and other essential tasks. But these tasks need attention to avoid trouble later.
What to do:
- Gather all information of the deceased such as a will, deeds, assets, insurance.
- Lodge the death at associated government agencies(Most importantly, HDB)
- If the administrative matters is too much to handle, families can choose to engage lawyers or specialists to handle this for them.
Funeral directors at a funeral parlour in Singapore often help families with these steps, so don’t hesitate to ask them for advice.
The End Note
After a funeral, helping the grieving family feel supported is incredibly important. By following traditions, wearing the appropriate clothing, and offering your help, you can significantly ease their pain during this difficult time. Additionally, avoiding common mistakes, such as being overly cheerful or neglecting mourning customs, will show the family that you genuinely care about their loss. While attending a funeral service in Singapore or gathering at a parlour, respecting cultural practices and showing consistent kindness can provide immense comfort to those in grief. These thoughtful actions, no matter how small they seem, make a big difference in helping the family heal and find peace over time.